Living in the Unknown

Spacious.  That’s how I feel right now, as I spend time with a friend waiting to see what will be next.

A brief illness sent me packing from the island of Ometepe early, and I returned here to Granada to stay with a friend as I recovered.  While here, I began searching for my next opportunity.  I sent emails after leads I’d heard of, but all came up bust.  So I’m in an interesting space of watching life unfold and bustle busily around me but standing in a space absent of movement.

My body has reflected the uncertainty of my mind as it’s forced me to physically stay still while recovering my strength and health.  Now that I’m feeling well again, I still am unsure of what step to take next.  I know that I’d like that step to involve yoga!  I truly feel that it is a gift to be able to introduce students to the physical, philosophical, and meditative aspects of this practice.  I’ve been pleased to see my skills as a teacher improving with each class I’ve taught, with each interaction with a new student.  I’ve learned so much from the students and the teachers I’ve been working with for the past five months.

But as to what is next, I am truly at a loss.

It’s an interesting space to fill at this point in my life.  I feel that there are so many opportunities open, countries to explore or friends and family to visit.  I do know that wherever I go, I want to be able to land for a short time, but not too short.  In other words, I don’t want to breeze through and be there for a week, but I also don’t yet plan on setting down roots somewhere.

So I’m left to think, to ponder what to do next.  Search for another opportunity to teach yoga, research opportunities to teach english, or jump back into the wild and crazy world of politics and non-profits – from fundraising to influencing policy?  All paths are tantalizing, but I don’t feel a strong push to walk down any particular path at the moment.

When I left the States to come here to Nicaragua, I did so with the expectation that my next step would reveal itself naturally to me, as has happened over and over again throughout my life.  This whole journey has been about stepping outside of comfort zones, about sacrificing security for raw experience.  I have to say – I must have done something right.  Six months ago, I would have been terrified at the prospect of essentially being unemployed and homeless in a foreign country.  I feel tranquil, though, as though this is an opportunity to catch my breath and prepare.

So – what does one do with uncertainty?  I’ve not had the energy for my yoga practice lately, but now that I am feeling better I have been making it a priority to find myself on the mat more often.  So much of yoga is about starting where you are – of meeting yourself fully in the present moment without judgment and without striving to change.  So, that’s what I’m doing.  I’m grateful for this safe space that I’ve landed, surrounded by good friends and very cared for.  I vow to utilize this break to reconnect, and to study.  To study yoga, to study espanol, and to study my heart’s truest desire.

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